http://www.astrologyweekly.com/humour/funny-horoscopes.php
Aries use guns to describe philosophical concepts.
The Taurus is a strange bird because he or she holds grudges about things that never actually happened.
Geminis are always on some sort of medication. This medication is not always legal.
So much for buying the world a Coke - they would breast-feed the world if they could. This trait is not gender-specific.
Genghis Khan was a Leo, and so is Barney the Dinosaur.
Obsessive-compulsive disorder? A nice euphemism for the word "Virgo".
Libras give to designer charities.
Many Scorpios have found ways to successfully smoke in the shower.
Sagittarians usually have nicknames like Thunderpooper or Vomitus Maximus.
Capricorns are hardworking, reliable, and dull as hell.
Aquarians tend to be nostalgic about the 1960s because that was the
last time they could be naked in public and get away with it.
Everywhere you go, laughter and comedy ensue. This would be great if
you were trying to be funny.
