I have a confession to make. I am a junk food junkie. Like the workaholic who is addicted to coffee, or the drunkard to the beer jug, I have an insatiable craving for extra sugar and salts. I mean, a can of coke and large-size Doritos are just perfect consumables for sitting back, relaxing, and watching shows. Would you recommend devouring Buddha jumps over the wall as a TV snack? I think not! I believe in strict discipline for matching the appropriate tool for the situation. No compromises.
So I contribute significantly to the quarterly net income of Doritos, Jack 'n Jill, Pringles, and other brands. Much thanks to pretty frequent outbursts of disillusionment and disappointment with life. When I go "to hell with a healthy life!" and go attend to my backlog of unwatched videos, after a premeditated trip to 7-Eleven or Cheers. My lifestyle is rotted with synthetic biomass. How much worse can it get?
You underestimate The Devil.
He works beyond your consciousness and catches you by surprise. When you are at your weakest, defenseless, and prone to temptation. Since I am a fan of anime works, I occasionally read up on Japanese cultural happenings. And I know Japan is a land of plain extreme oddities and craziness; they have never failed to amaze me in completely unbelievable ways. If you witness something weird, the idea probably originated from some looney Japanese chap. What insane idea did I carelessly step on like a claymore mine?
If you ever wondered if The Devil ever eats snacks in hell while watching comedy, think no more. He has launched his personal Tohato brand on Earth to give humanity a taste of his preferences.
Just look at that. They have a cult that worships a devilish pepper for crying out loud. How can you not drink the Kool-Aid and join them in the quest for world domination? I sought desperately for an application form.
My day of eternal condemnation came when my cousin's job stationed him in Japan. When my other cousin (his brother) paid him a vacational visit, I insisted that he make extra effort to hunt down some Tohato chips, lest he find naughty pictures of himself posted and replicated across the Internet forever. He was very cooperative, and sent a packet my way. Satan Jorquia knocked on my door with a sinister grin.
And I stood there enthralled by the bewitching aura. I simply could not control my body anymore.
My will was being withered away, mesmerised by unseen forces that told me Resistance is Futile...
No matter which way I looked, I simply could not escape those eyes. That was when I submitted to my inevitable fate, and gave in to temptation. "This is my hellishly hot body, eat me."
やばい！It didn't taste that good.
It is not bad actually, just that I do not think it is a flavour that will win over the masses. This has got to be the spiciest snack I have ever munched. I do not think the fella in the advertisement was acting at all. But really, you do not eat this because it is tasty. You eat this because you got swindled by The Deceiver. That is the mark of a truly insane marketing campaign, one that other "wholesome" brands can only dream of achieving. Salute, Tohato, salute. Hats off for converting me.